Wednesday, November 6, 2013


The streetlights flew by in a blur as the car raced through the night towards the Hospital. We were expecting our very first lovely baby girl. My excitement was quickly turning to fear however because she wasn't supposed to be here until December, it was October. Pains in my abdomen had me curled up in as much of a little ball that my expanding belly and shoulder belt would allow. We entered the hospital through the emergency entrance and were quickly ushered to the maternity ward. The first thing that they did was strap a monitor to me and check to make sure she was okay. I heard the most beautiful sound in the world, the sound of her little heart beating at a rapid but normal pace. I felt tears of gratitude come to my eyes to know that despite my pain she was still with us. It turned out to be kidney stones; a frustrating and agonizing thing to deal with whether or not you are pregnant. I was able to receive the care I needed. We were blessed with a beautiful baby girl just a couple months later. She is growing into a sweet, loving, fantastic girl.

A couple years after the kidney stone incident. We were again rushing a pregnant me to the Hospital in A LOT of pain. This time it was for appendicitis. After it was determined that an appendectomy was the best course of action, they began to inform me of what the next few hours would entail. I honestly don't remember much of that conversation. My mind was hazy from a morphine iv to keep the pain at bay. I do however remember quite clearly the feeling of panic when they told me that at 18 weeks pregnant my sweet baby was not yet viable, meaning that if anything happened to the baby they would not even try to rescue him/her. I loved that baby already. I had just begun to feel her tiny movements and could only vaguely imagine the pain of what it would be like to lose her at that moment. I also remember thinking it was probably a good thing I was drugged at the time because it subdued the vicious mama bear raging on the inside.  The surgery went according to plan and I woke up dazed and confused in a recovery room with strangers. When my foggy mind finally cleared enough to get a rational thought my first thought was for my baby. Once again my little ones heartbeat was checked, heard, and brought me instant relief. Several months later a second daughter was born, as gorgeous as the last. She is now a rambunctious two-year-old who smiles easily and laughs often.

On to baby three. Now I know what you are thinking, "what else could she possibly go through?" This time it was bronchitis. I entered the emergency room without even enough breath to tell them who I was or that I was pregnant. I was frightened not only for my own life, but for the lack of oxygen to my growing baby. I was also scared that they may have to pump me full of drugs that could harm my developing little one. We got through that one too, my baby and me. As they frantically tried to get my oxygen level up and my heart rate down an ultra sound showed us that the baby was doing just fine, with a strong and steady heartbeat. The doctors and nurses did their best to heal me, and I came out on top. However, this story does not have the same happy ending or perhaps I should say beginning yet. We are still happily awaiting number three, who seems healthy despite several of my health issues, and we are crossing our fingers for a healthy little man come next spring.

I am not telling these stories to say "oh poor little me". Yes, it IS crappy to have had to go through these things EVERY SINGLE TIME I have been pregnant, I am hoping there won't be too much more drama for my current pregnancy. I have optimism that future pregnancies won't be so rough (I mean you can only have your appendix removed so many times right?) I tell these stories to express my deep gratitude for my two and a half little ones. It is an amazing miracle to me that they are even here. I am so blessed, and I know it with all my heart. I have loved each and everyone of them the second that I knew they were on their way. It is an amazing, powerful love that I still don't fully understand. It's so big that there aren't words to convey it. I am grateful that God sent me here at this time. A time where I can receive the care I need to be a healthier mama; so I can deliver and enjoy these precious little ones,  and I am so blessed to come to earth in a time when technology gives a fearful mother-to-be a very precious gift, to be comforted by the sight and sound of those tiny unwavering heartbeats.

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